I’m going to be honest with you, dear reader. I think modern dating sucks.
I’ve been single for a few years now, and I’ve been trying (operative word trying) to meet new people here and there. It’s been really difficult for me, as a 20-something Gen Z girl who personally prefers the good old friends-to-lovers arc. I don’t have that many male friends, and it’s kind of hard to make new ones. I’ve resorted to asking friends to set me up, although that hasn’t been very successful yet, either.
I’m still figuring this whole dating thing out, and I’m still learning about what I like and don’t like. But if there’s one thing I know I wholeheartedly detest about modern dating, it’s dating apps.
Throughout my life, I’ve been on at least three dating apps, and I hated all of them. On dating apps, I’ve seen exes (awkward), matched with someone who spoiled our conversation by asking to hook up (anticlimactic), and talked to another person who fawned over me so much even before we actually had the chance to meet up and get to know each other (absolutely terrifying).
It took me a few years to realize that I go on dating apps just to feel the initial thrill of being desired, only to be disappointed by the conversation and the lack of sparks. I’ve since sworn off dating apps and I don’t plan on reinstalling them. Ever. (Maybe my strong opinions and cynicism are the reason I’m still single. Let me have my Miranda Hobbes moment.)
But I’m also not one to rain on anyone’s parade. I have close friends who have a ton of fun on dating apps, and I know a few successful couples who met each other online, too. While I believe that dating apps don’t work for me, I’ve seen them work for other people — so maybe I’m just not their target market.
To get a better understanding of young people’s attitudes toward dating apps, we at The Nerve scanned online posts from the past year that contained mentions of dating apps.
Compared to other social media platforms and websites like forums, blogs, and news sites, X (formerly Twitter) was the most popular online platform for discussing dating apps. Across online platforms, X posts took up about 60% of all online posts in the worldwide dating app conversation. A significant chunk of X’s advertising audience, after all, is between the ages of 18 to 34.
Much has been said about the good and the bad of dating apps, but I wanted to know how young generations today felt about modern dating. I couldn’t help but wonder, in today’s online dating scene, are young people swiping for love, or for something else entirely?
Varied personal experiences
In the overall X discussion on dating apps, posts that talked about users’ personal experiences on the apps took up 38% of the conversation. Funnily enough, these posts from different users proved that dating apps are indeed very polarizing, and prone to mixed reactions.
There were posts about users gaining more confidence because they were getting a lot of matches, and a few even talked about finding life partners on dating apps. But others said they had very low expectations for their dating app journeys, and some even went on the apps just because they were bored.
At least 7.1% of all X posts also talked about the LGBTQ+ experience of going on dating apps. As a straight woman, I know that I’m speaking from a place of privilege when I say I don’t need to rely on dating apps to find someone. Queer people may not feel the same way, especially in today’s heteronormative society.
Some X users shared memes about the stereotypical lesbian experience of using dating apps, or about ways different apps were accommodating users of all genders.
But other posts showed that online dating can also pose more problems for queer people — trans people have been discriminated against because of their gender, and lesbians voiced concerns about seeing cishet men or straight girls taking up space on their platforms.
Another 4.8% of X posts talked about dating apps in the context of serious, exclusive relationships. While some users genuinely wanted to find serious relationships on dating apps, other users were more skeptical and felt that the apps are for people who simply want attention or to be desired.
There were also conversations alluding to infidelity, hinting that some people in committed relationships used dating apps without the consent and approval of their partners.
Associations with sex, safety concerns
On X, dating apps are also largely associated with sex. At least 21% of the global X conversation on dating apps have explicit mentions of sexual activities, with some posts containing content that isn’t safe for work. (It’s also important to note that porn bots have taken over everyone’s X feeds since Elon Musk bought the platform.)
So if you’re looking for something casual, then maybe dating apps could work for you. But if you aren’t looking for sex, or at least want an emotional connection first, then you might want to be upfront about that when meeting people on the apps.
Online dating is also often associated with concerns about safety. When I tried to use dating apps, I was always afraid that the person I was talking to was secretly a murderer. Turns out, those fears weren’t irrational.
A number of X posts shared CCTV footage of British tourist Grace Millane shortly before she was murdered by her Tinder date in New Zealand in 2018. (Now, if you allow me to put my disinformation researcher hat on: These X posts were shared by large accounts that had hundreds of thousands to millions of followers, within days of each other in February 2024, a few months before a documentary on the case was released in New Zealand. Hmm.)
In another part of the world, a few X posts in India were talking about rampant dating app scams, where people were scammed into paying exorbitant amounts of money during dates.
I don’t want to generalize dating app experiences as unsafe, but I’d advise singles to exercise caution when meeting online matches. Meet up in public, send locations, keep your friends updated.
Jokes about deleting apps, and dating ‘the old-fashioned way’
What I like most about X is how funny people are. So I wasn’t surprised that many users on the platform also joked about the woes of dating apps, taking up at least 20% of the overall dating app discussion. (Modern dating is a joke, really.)
I ultimately decided to delete my dating apps because I wanted to date “the old-fashioned way.” There were several memes and viral posts that defined what old-fashioned dating meant, or hinted that you could find the love of your life in other funnier places.
Other X users joked that other social media platforms, which aren’t typically used for dating, can be used as dating apps if you’re brave enough. There were jokes about finding love on LinkedIn, and I do have a few friends who admitted to downloading the exercise app Strava to flirt with their crushes.
And just like that, I realized young singles online had complicated, sometimes conflicting feelings about dating apps. I don’t think dating apps will help me find the love of my life. But then again, maybe that’s not what dating apps are for.
Maybe dating apps are just tools that help us figure out what we want when it comes to romance, and maybe the real magic happens elsewhere, where (and when) it’s meant to find us. – Rappler.com
Decoded is a Rappler series that explores the challenges and opportunities that come with living in transformative times. It is produced by The Nerve, a data forensics company that enables changemakers to navigate real-world trends and issues through narrative & network investigations. Taking the best of human and machine, we enable partners to unlock powerful insights that shape informed decisions. Composed of a team of data scientists, strategists, award-winning storytellers, and designers, the company is on a mission to deliver data with real-world impact.